Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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