The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
