is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
