I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
