I want to have your abortion
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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