They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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