do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
