Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my shit smells like andre
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
