i would punch a child for taco bell
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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