Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
