Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
