Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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