He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
