I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
