Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
