I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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