thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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