Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
