Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
