all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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