You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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