so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
