I just cut my nipple shaving
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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