I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
