Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
