Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
