i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
