I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
smell my finger.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize