I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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