i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
