don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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