My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
