I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
