i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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