White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
