TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
