Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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