I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
