I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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