i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
