Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
