Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
