Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
