So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
