I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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