how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How does it feel to date your dad?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
