just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
