He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
