Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
