shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
