This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
