We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
