Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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