I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
