shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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