She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
