So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
