I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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