Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
