yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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