What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
