I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
