Did you just see the Batmobile???
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
