I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want a musical about memes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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