I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize