My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize