so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize